Here I am again

Sometime I feel like I live my life in the same pattern over and over again.  Not a rut exactly, it's not the same every day like if it's Tuesday it's meatloaf (although there are some in my family who would enjoy that particular rut!)  It's more like, wow, really, am I doing this again?

I thought I was over the getting my feelings hurt when people try to "gently" tell me things that they feel they need to.  I feel misunderstood and insulted because, well...that is simply not how I see it.  I guess I just invest too much of my heart in people or maybe I'm just way too sensitive for my own good, I dunno.

I just wish that things would stop changing so rapidly, you know?  So I could get my head wrapped around things, then they happen instead of the constant S-pattern I live my life in, dodging the boulders in the road that appear out of nowhere.

Can't people just accept the fact that I love them and I want to know what is going on with them because it truly interests me not because I'm being nosy.  I'm not trying to get all up in their business, not idle curiosity, I want to know because I want to share their life.  I want to be involved not a peeping tom.

Someday, in the not so far future, I will be wanted again.  And whether it's idiocy or faulty memory, I'll allow them to suck me in again, just to be tossed aside when they no longer have need of me, like a pair of old shoes. 

All I know is that when you are those old shoes in the back of the closet, waiting to be taken out and hittin' the road again, it's awfully dark and lonely.  You fondly remember the times when you were out and about and hope those times come again soon.

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Didn't see this coming

Donna and Aaron are home for their first visit since moving out. If you notice I use the words visit and home in the same sentence. How do you visit your home? It's like an oxymoron, picked apart it doesn't make any sense why they are together. Because this is their home, and yet it isn't.

I'm having a tough time with this weirdness this morning. Two of the people I love the most are sleeping on the couches right now like refugees instead of their bed in their bedroom across the hall from me. It's been a while since I've felt palpably upset that they are all moved out and on their own.

I gotta say that I am a smidge bitter that of all of the parents of the multiple couples that married this summer, we are the only ones that don't get to have the opportunity to make easy plans to see our lovebirds on a whim or even easily. It's like a military campaign-okay men, let's synchronize our watches...now!

But I am grateful that they are down here, even though they are still sleeping from their evening of shenanigans and tomfoolery with their friends. That sounds more craven that it actually is, their group has a tendency to be sillier rather than worldly.

Heather Pepin (nee Ozuna) said it best, (and I paraphrase) the Lord is not through with me yet. He is still ever stretching me, molding me, and making me grow. Mainly because, if left to my own devices, I'll sit here like a lump, hiding under a blanket, happy with my status quo and fearful to stick a big toe out into the cold cruel world. My mother taught me in action and attitude rather than word that if you don't go looking for trouble, it may find you but it takes long and it needs to find a map first to get there.

I know that's not true and God is waiting for me to look up and take claim to His promises and enjoy the gifts that He has to offer me. I only have to flip that blanket back and take the first step. So no more feeling sorry for what I don't have, but be happy for what I do.

They are here and they are spending the whole day with me until they have to go home tonight to get ready for work tomorrow. And we will be together for Thanksgiving and Christmas as well this year. We will be making presents together for others and...well, let's just say we have plans.

Thank you Father, I'm here in my "home" visiting You for the moment. But soon I'll go back to where I dwell most of the time, in mine. I like yours better, Daddy.