So they are gone, it is not as hard as when Donna went to York but in some ways it is more heart breaking. York was for 4 1/2 months, literally, only God knows how long she will be gone this time. I want to rejoice in the fact that God is using her so mightily and that she is so willing to follow where He would have her go. And I know that in time, I will be able to feel that first. But I will always miss her, I will always yearn to have her near me. It will always feel as if I am missing a limb.
I went to Michael's today to pick up some stuff and ended up in the yarn section, that's where Donna and I always ended up, looking at the different yarns and talking about projects we had started or wanted to start and how perfect a particular yarn would be for it. It was all I could do not to cry, and in the end, I got out of there as fast as I could and cried most of the way home. It's not just that store, it's a bunch of them, and this time of the year, knowing that all of the stuff we liked to do with each other is over and I'm left so alone now. She totally understood how this time of year was so special to me because it is so special to her and she would share in the same delight I had planning our "thing" to give to our friends. Now I am alone in this, Jo doesn't really care about the holidays and neither does Les. They participate, but it has no special meaning or feelings of happiness for them. And for now, I feel that way too.
God, please help me to get over this grief, this feeling that I've lost a child to death, because that is the only way I can accurately describe how this affects me. I know that I will grow in this very shadowy valley, that this season will be used somehow in the future. But for the moment, this knowledge is pretty cold comfort.
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