Okay

It has been a long while since I posted. I go through spurts and spates of blogging then POOF! vanish for a while. I get too wrapped up in my workaday life sometimes to remember there is a time for this to happen. For me to put thought to...computer? Anyway, time slips away, water goes down the drain (as does money) and things exist no more.

Lots goes on but is any of it really important in the longterm scheme of things. All that really matters is God's unending love for us and Jesus' unending sacrifice for us. My focus is not to be on my day to day yada yada life. My focus is to listen to what it is God wants me to do, in every moment. I'd like to say that I'm a laser beam of focus for Him, but that would be a whopper even I would have a hard time keeping a straight face saying.

Donna recently wrote that to read the bible and pray, the ever present mantra of Christianity was something she (we) should be doing. Like breathing or blinking, as in, how can you stop doing it? I always find time to eat, sleep, watch shows on the computer (I spend way too much time on the computer truth be told), so why not read the bible, why not spend quiet time before my Creator?

Because it takes no time to be brain dead, looking at images on a electronic screen, reading about the lives of those around me living their lives. Being quiet before God, waiting for Him to speak to me, that would take dedication. But isn't that what we are called to do, dedicate our lives to Him? Why is it so difficult to do this? Why do I let so many other things distract me instead of allowing myself to be immersed in Him.

I wish I knew. So I go back to working hard at shutting out the other things of this world that pull me away from Him and attempt yet again to make Him my first priority, not my last. He gets in my face all the time and I don't even recognize it when He does because I'm so wrapped up in my life to clearly see Him.

God, please help me to be sensitive to You and Your wants and desires. It isn't that you don't make them plain, I'm just so used to shutting them out that I can't see beyond my own nose. Bring my focus out of me and onto You. You are the only one worthy of it, nothing and no one else.

I had no idea

Man, I had no idea just how rough things could be in one day. It was like one of those terrible day comedies, except no one was laughing.

1)Dru got loose yesterday, the fence between the street and the dog run blew open just enough for her to easily walk out, and she did, sometime between 1pm and 3:45pm. We scoured the surrounding neighborhood(s) and checked the major streets, no Dru. So we called the animal shelter, no dog with her description was there, but they told us to keep checking their online site, that they update frequently throughout the day.

2)Les and I were supposed to lead our small group yesterday and we were just sitting down to do the study (don't judge) when he received a call. Apparently they had a maintenance guy in to do some work who comes in infrequently. At the end of the day he was still working, but they forgot about him and locked him into the compound. Les' number is the only contact he had. So Les had to drive all the way out to North Island on Coronado to let him out, then back home in the rush hour, in the dark, and in the crazy rains.

3)Jo got home while Les was doing his rescue mission and had lost her phone at the trolley, she had already gone back to check, no dice. So she tried to call the cell several times and there was no answer, of course. Her only option, get a new phone, but since she needed either Les or I to be there do this, I was up to bat. Luckily it was past time for her to upgrade her phone, so it only cost an arm and not the leg frequently used to accessorize it so nicely.

So we got home, Les got home, Chris and Jo went out and brought home pizza for dinner, but still no Dru. I worried all night and checked the animal shelter site first thing when I woke up, still no picture of Dru. Told my tale of woe to my cohorts and cronies at work then I checked midway through the morning, no Dru. After lunch I checked again, this time I gave the spots that said "no picture yet" a click. Lo and behold, under each of those spots were sketchy details of dogs that had been picked up. One of them sounded like Dru, from our zip code. So I called and after much automated question answering I got a live person and the answer I had been hoping for. Dru was there, the lojack we had installed in her as pup had paid off, I knew FOR SURE it was her.

Les went and got her after he got off work, paid all the fees for licensing, kenneling, and shots and finally she was free from the doggie pokie. I've spent the better part of the evening petting and loving on her. I made a promise to myself that if she made it home, I was going to love her wholeheartedly. I've been very careful for these past 9 years not to get close to Dru or Angel. And now that Angel is gone, Dru is the only one left. It's painful if you give your heart with abandon to the dog and they pass, and it hurts just as much when you try not to. So I'm giving her all I have, with the fore knowledge that it's gonna hurt like hell when she passes. But at least she'll have had all of the love I have to give her before she goes.

It was a rough day, being sick, the drama of the lost phone, failure of leading the small group, the agony of worrying about the lost pooper, and the scary wind and rain. But Jesus heard my prayers and looked after our silly dog, made a painful purchase not so painful. And now I know Les is praying too, He let Les off of the hook for leading group! Well played sir, well played.

Thank you Father for taking a day filled will frustration and heartache and turning it into something that brings my eyes and my thoughts to you. Thank you for bringing Dru home and easing my mind. Thank you for your abundant love and grace, I surely don't deserve it, but appreciate it nonetheless. ~Amen

This year

Has kinda been rough and rocky so far. Nothing the Big Guy upstairs and I can't handle, it's just that I was hoping for a little bit of a break. But I guess He has other plans for me. I know that it's a period of growth and like all growing pains, well, they're painful.

But I have faith that God is preparing me for something else, something that is beyond my thoughts and desires for today. My immediate wish is for the daily drama to be on the back burner. I am a peace loving individual. I like things to be calm and contention free. Somehow I seem to be a drama magnet, what I mean by that is the drama queens are drawn to me, probably because I am more stable.

Regardless, I guess it is yet another way for God to keep my focus on Him. That I would be driven to seek solace and grace from and through Him. And wow does it ever work! If I keep my focus on Him it helps, because it's His strength that helps me get through the drama. His wisdom that helps me see through the junk of the situation to the crux of the matter. His love that sooths my shattered nerves from the endless pushing and pulling. Sometimes I know how it feels to be made into taffy. But what a lovely treat is created in the process!

So I wake up, pull up my socks and struggle through the day to jump the impossible hurtles and dodge the inevitable issues that arise knowing God is for me, so who can be against me?

Yet again

Here I sit, my heart breaking, tears well up and stream down my face.  We had to have Angel put to sleep tonight.  He was a dear, sweet dog, that barked way too much and startled too easily.  But he was a good dog that deserved to live long enough to be old and cranky.

He was fine on Thursday evening when we left for Hemet to celebrate New Year's Eve with some friends.  Sometime between then and when we got home in the morning, he lacerated his tongue and tore up the edges of his ears.  In the next two days he steadily if slowly went downhill, his ears would keep oozing blood, then he wouldn't eat, then he even refused to drink any water.  He was lethargic when I went to work, but Les was home for the day and would take Angel to the vet to see what was up.

When Les took him in this morning Angel had begun to drool blood.  They were going to treat the symptoms first then try to figure out what was going on.  The blood tests showed he had no white blood cells to speak of and his platelets were all screwed up.  There was no saving Angel, just releasing him from his suffering.  

When we got to the vets and they brought him in, earlier they had shaved his ears and noticed the bruising and continued to shave Angel to see if they could figure out the problem.  They surmised he had vascular problems due to the blood issues that resulted in him bruising down all of his neck and partly onto his shoulder.  The assistant stopped shaving him at that point, she told us.

It might have been cancer, but they just don't know.  All I know is Angel was a good dog, a sweet boy that I will miss and grieve over.  There will be no new pets in my near or even far future of that I am sure.  I couldn't bare the eventual loss.  We have one more dog left, Dru, and she's going to be a sad little pooper for awhile.

I really hate this part of pet ownership.

Christmas is gone

for another year.  I love the anticipation of Christmas, heck, I start in July (true story)!  I gleefully demand that the decorations are brought down the day after Thanksgiving and want to start decorating right away.  The tree glistens and looks so pretty especially once I finally get all of my wrapping done and the presents are nestled beneath it.  Then Christmas morning, my family opens their presents and I am awash in love and excitement, hoping I've bought or made the perfect gift for them.  I cook the ham dinner and at the end of the evening, I'm exhausted.  Another Christmas over and put to bed.  We wait until after New Year's Day to take down the tree.  But once New Year's is over I'm sooo ready for all of it to be put away!

I thank God that He gave us the precious gift of His Child brought forth so that we may have the chance to be with Him eternally.  The trappings of the tree, the gifts, the cooking, and the time spent together is wonderful but I try to never lose sight of the true gift I've been given.

I'm glad that the most important part of this holiday is not something I ever want to put away or undecorate. I'm beyond blessed that God wants me to join in His celebration all year round.

Yep, Christmas is gone, boxed up and ready to go back up into the attic.  But I hold that precious gift that God gave me like a beacon to cast light on all that I am through Him.

Thanks God, you are the ultimate gift giver.

Post Christmas blog stalking

Hi, my name is J, and I blog stalk people. There I said it, and now you know. I go online everyday to check out what my family, friends, and other folk are doing on Facebook every day but once a week I go to Blogger and check it out to see if there are any new blogs. I average a blog entrance every 3 to 6 weeks myself, because I don't feel there is anything going on to blog about in my life. I prefer not to share every boring thought that flits through my mind and trust me, they are so boring they are deadly. But I adore checking out blogging of those I love because to me, their thoughts are fascinating. It's particularly fun to check out Donna's friends blogs because Donna has a particularly entertaining group of friends. The are truly a very witty and articulate group. And since they are digital natives, their blog sites are updated with a new look every so often and they post photos to accompany their blogs.

That's my favorite part, it adds such a wonderful visual aid to what they are blogging about. I treasure the antics of Tiffany and her grandma, the musings of Lauren and Michelle, the insights of Pear, the sheer beauty of Heather P's photos, and Allie's playfulness. These girls are all very delightful in their own unique way. They make me feel old and young at the same time and appreciate that our children have grown into thoughtful, sweet, and incredible young women.

So forgive me if I stalk you, I'm not a creeper, I just love laughing and pondering at the wonderful thoughts you all share from your hearts.

Brava, ladies! Keep the blogs coming.

This blog bears witness

To a claim that my daughter Jo has made.  I just had to put this down for posterity (12/8/09) for when I can prove she actually said this and meant it.

We were having a discussion about her work (at Macy's) and how it's cemented her distaste for children.  She wants to have her own, she just can't stand other people's kids.  Anyway, apparently there was this devil's spawn that was causing an issue and at the end of it I said, if I was the child's mother I would have taken her to the closest bathroom and paddled her bottom. You can't do that Mom, it's different now.  I said, even when I have grandkids, if a spanking is necessary in public, I'll do what I did when they were little and take them to the bathroom or the car and swat them.

Oh, it won't be necessary to do that with my kids, they won't be like that.  Oh ya, the clock is ticking.  The only way she is getting out of this is if she never has kids.

So, we'll see faithful reader, and you know, I'm patient, I'm her mama.